a brighter side of life :)

Today i had one of those moments in life wher eyou can truly see your own journey, your own life in reflection and see the person you have evolved into.

Be able to see teh person you never want to be again and how... you ARENT that person anymore, You may not think you have grown much, but then a moment showing you who you use dto eb shows the improvement and you realise it has been gradual so really.. it has bgeen big!

Let me tell youa little more of my story, not because i want naww poor liesl moments, or to be anything other than a way to own my crap and be a little bit real.

Today i ha dmy morning shower.. and in that time, i had my 'moment' Last night my parents came home form singapore, and while looking through all there stuff i picked up a plastic box, and it being really late clumsily dropped it, and scratched my wrist, ut hurt! :( but while in the showe rthis morn, the hot wate rhit it... and it began to stiiing!
It wa sin thsi moment i remember all the times i inflicte dthis pain on myself ON PURPOSE! the time si hurt myself in aims to release soemthin, or to punish.. or just to feel... the moments id shower and sometimes id feel nothin, and sometime sit would STING and id be happy about that! ,

This past week ive been great.. but in my hea dive had my moments of depression, ive been grumpy and insecure and feelinga lil icky, and i got frustrated and wondered why i still had this battle when would i improve, and only this morning did i realise... i have improved! let em be real with you all and say i havent hurt myself in almost 5 months... and taht last time i started and stopped because i realised there was a better way... so without taht time its beena year!
I am strong!
i am capable!
and i am Living!!

Life is precious and i love it, i t5hought mine would never improve, but in teh end.... blind faith got me through, at teh time i truste dina God i didnt entirely believ in, in a God who if he existed i hated.,,, but in time came to trust and treasure..
So if u wonder when thinsg will ever get better... think about wethe rthey have and u just cant see it, and if tehy really havent... wat can u do?
Sometimes just feeling crap is good... its important, but if its constant... or something u cant break out of... Get help, talk to a friend... talk to me, talk to God!
Just know, i have no realised what Life is about.... its about using the little time you have, having fun, living, loving servinga nd praising... itll eb over befor eu know it.. dont waste ur days feeling soemthing u wer enever intended to!

yes u will ahve crap days still... but ur not alone :)
My life is teh happiest it has ever been, and while peoepl ahve helped, i can blame nothing more than my faitha nd my desire to change.

I needed to get taht out :) Thanks for sticking till the end

Love and blessings.

Isnt it funny how we often complain life gets in teh way fo what we wnat to do, i dont have tiem for this, i wnated to but i didnt get around to it, we find ourselves more and more putting off what is important and good for us, because 'life' gets in teh way.

We spend so much time stressing about life, and fiddle farting around wasting time..we forget to live it!
To do the things taht are important, that are good for us!

I realise i ahvent blogged in like... days, which is sad, because its ina forum like this i feel safe enough to give off little pieces of myself. To eb real and to express what is on my heart!
I think about why i havent and immediately the age old excuse come sto mind... Ive been busy, but no.. i ahvent, ive been slack, ive been spending my days focusing on teh negative aspects, been wasting time i havent taken the right time for myself.

so now thsi is my tiem to again promise to amke eth effort to ahve me time, God time.. time just to live and enjoy the grace and beauty of a magnificent creator!

in all this no time no blogging slackness things have been exciting, i have been given teh job i so badly wanted, and am now the child support worker for teh salvation army domestic violence refuge graceville.
I am excited t be taking up this MASSIVE challenge, but glad that my gifts will eb used.

I found out i get to go to candidates weekend in geelong in may, basicallya weekend to meet together with other future officers ina time of aweosme fellowship!

life is good, ive been happy... so i nee dto remember to do the things atht are good for me, even when its not 'necessary' or im not brokena nd lost...

perfect example... i have been feeling so much better, great even health wise, so i got slack with my medication, i stopped taking it and i basically 'got too busy', all was fine till i now realise taht teh weird dizziness i cant shake and the loss of appetite is a symptom of stomach ulcer.... turns out im not ove rit, just the pain is different,
If you dont keep up preventetive measures.. the things taht are good for you, when you fall.. u fall hard!
Im learning this...

so i encourage you:
look after yourself, for your lifes purpose is urs to fulfil, noone elses
You need to be ready or it will eb left undone.
value ur body like u do others, what u put into will be who u are..
what you fill it with will reflect in ur life.
Love with no bounds, for u too will need love liek taht one day!
and never stop fighting, coz teh war will never end!

Camp, decisions, realisations and a whopping fire!

ahhh what a crazy weekend was had by all who attended 2love easter camp W.A!!



Now while i will fill you in on the major downer of an ending, ive realised since camp its all i mention when asked of camp.. so my major focus will be on the amazing time of transformation had before the craziness!



so to get it out the wy.. sadly pour camp was cut short as a fire began in very close proximity to teh camp site, we were evacuated shortly after and took all campers to teh local rockingham salvation army.. we spent tiem here until it was decided for various reaosns we would head back to perth where campers would be met by parents and taken home. The fire was awful, it threatened many homes including homes of people present with us, and caused much pain for our group.. but we all mad eit home safe and although a few got sick, noone was seriously ill.



This dampened memories a little bit but i still have many stories and great things that happened on camp :)



The camp had many experiences and i could give you my day to day run down.. but hey, tahts boring!



so high;lights included:

Damzel in distress: a game where male leaders dressed up as damzels and teh team saved them form incoming water balooons!... oh teh pictures are classic.. l;augher is great for the soul!



New friends: Having tiem to meet a couple of new friends who are also planning to attend training college... having teh chance to nut out some faith questions and challenge each other, and then to pray.. not just say ill rpay for you, but in taht exact moment take the time to do so!



Deep silly theology at 7am: started a discussion about wether Jesus being perfecty human would fo had diorrhea at any point... or hiccups... woudl he of healed himself, or suffered like us??



dawn service; being grumpy for being awake at 4, followed by many many giggles and random discussions.. and a very awkwrd hiccup moment... jesus's death and res (hic) erection... haha



New awesome song:

Oh! precious is the flow

That makes me white as snow;

No other fount I know,

Nothing but the blood of Jesus.



Now by this I’ll overcome—

Nothing but the blood of Jesus,

Now by this I’ll reach my home—

Nothing but the blood of Jesus



Glory! Glory! This I sing—

Nothing but the blood of Jesus,

All my praise for this I bring—

Nothing but the blood of Jesus.



Friday night worship: My favourite part, having teh oppurtunity to write teh things taht cloud my mind, hurt my life, taint my journey.. writting them on pieces of junk and leaving them at the foot of teh cross... watching Kids realise there pain is not a burden they must carry alone, praying with like 12 different campers, leading atleast one into a new relationship with christ and many into exciting renewals!



they are soem things taht made camp rock... many others helped, and some crazy in jokes which i wont confuse you with... but i wnat to tell you about teh decision i made while at this camp... On fri night a smentioned we had oppurtunity to write our junk on junk, now for me this was an amazing release, it wanst liek othe rtime staht i 'let go' it wanst about emotion, i wrote them on becaus ei was sad, it was about my realisation taht they were affecting my life.
they wer ethings taht affceted my ability to love, to be loved, to give everything and to be who i wnat to be!

I took those things, i wrote them down... and i released them. the next day i wa sin worship when i began to wonder what affect this would havbe one my life when i looke dup and the word i focused on on a sign above me simply stated... GONE. that wa smy message that thes ethings cannot be let to bothe rme again, i have set them free and taht is the end.

My God forgives me, now its time to forgive myself
i challenge others to do teh same, We have doen things oin our past we hate, we regret, we have been things we dont understand, but teh minute we call upon teh Lord they dissappear.. its us who hold on
We nee dto stop focussing on our pain and start living teh life!
Start using our healing form paint o heal others
start spreaidng the joy
start realising your purpose is left undone when your wallowing your hole!
Noone else will do it for you.. its your Job.. not theirs!

Its ok to hurt, but wallowing is never fun.. im done.. i pray for all you guys too :)

remember:
Live like you may die tomorow
forgive like you want to eb forgiven
accept, coz you know how judgement hurts
and fight for what you knw is right!

Grace.

I have been challenged recently to take time daily for myself, to be with God aand to worship in ways that are specific to me, be it reading drawing or writtin,.. or watever else takes my fancy,
last night was my first night.. and while not really wnatin to.. coz i was tired, i did it.. and am glad i did
I was challenged about teh idea of grace... i ended up writting a skeleton sermon
and penning these words i wanted to share:

When temptation comes
and my faith grows weak
when i stumble and fall
It's your grace i seek.

when i dont deserve it
when i've wronged you again
when im lost and broken
It's then...
That your grace i seek.

for it makes me whole
and renews my soul
pour your favour on me
It's your grace i seek.

when i'm caught in the world
and its taken me in
i've lost sight of the cause
i begin..

to seek your grace
coz it never runs dry
to seek your grace
it will take me home on high

and finally.. a quote on teh subject i found and love

"your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God's grace, and your best days are never so good that you are beyond the need of God's grace"
- Jerry Bridges

the unpredictable nature of life

Its funny how things change so quickly and there often isnta thing you can do.

Today being firday is my second day at work all week.. most would say score.. but trust me, not so good!

I wrote a blog last week saying id explain my personal challeneg for this week... its never happened, and teh challeneg has become suddenly 10 times harder.

Let me explain... beggining of this week seemed t be like any other week... id planned a busy week, i had much i wante dto do, a full week of work.. a full week of lots fo nights out and being sick was NOT in my plans...
But one pride swallowin doctors visit shut most of that down.
I eventually admitted my pain wa sbeyond what i could handle without seeking attention.. so off i trotted to my doctor, to be told i most likley have a stomach ulcer.. and i should go back to bed and spend the next day there!
So now, im on some icky meds and feel the urge to eat like constantly...

which brngs me to this challenge, This sunday at church is the owsoms self denial appeal.. which for teh non salvos out there owsoms means one weeks salary on missionary sunday.
Basically its an appeal to rais emoney for the salvo overseas work in areas taht nee dit the most, so io had challenged myself to not spend anymor emoney tahn necessary this week and put all taht i would spend into this appeal.. whch u know, sounds fine... i didnt do anythin most of this week, but after paying doc bills and buyin meds... i aint got all taht much left!

But i will give the little i have witha willing heart. knowing God doesnt call us to give millions per say.. just what we have, im reminded of the lady in the bible who gave her 2 coins... to those surroundin her it seemed liek nothin, but to God... it was teh greatest gift of all.. becaus eit was all she had.

So today my new challenge stands at this... physically i feel weak... but i will do what i can for his service, financially im no millionaire.. but i have wat ive been blessed with
so no matter how great i will give my service and gifts to him... to the best of my ability to serve him better.
Sometimes this challeneg be it less money than originally intened is tougher... coz its more of a sacrifice... anbd sacrifice is hard... but in the long run, whats more important.

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.