Today i had one of those moments in life wher eyou can truly see your own journey, your own life in reflection and see the person you have evolved into.
Be able to see teh person you never want to be again and how... you ARENT that person anymore, You may not think you have grown much, but then a moment showing you who you use dto eb shows the improvement and you realise it has been gradual so really.. it has bgeen big!
Let me tell youa little more of my story, not because i want naww poor liesl moments, or to be anything other than a way to own my crap and be a little bit real.
Today i ha dmy morning shower.. and in that time, i had my 'moment' Last night my parents came home form singapore, and while looking through all there stuff i picked up a plastic box, and it being really late clumsily dropped it, and scratched my wrist, ut hurt! :( but while in the showe rthis morn, the hot wate rhit it... and it began to stiiing!
It wa sin thsi moment i remember all the times i inflicte dthis pain on myself ON PURPOSE! the time si hurt myself in aims to release soemthin, or to punish.. or just to feel... the moments id shower and sometimes id feel nothin, and sometime sit would STING and id be happy about that! ,
This past week ive been great.. but in my hea dive had my moments of depression, ive been grumpy and insecure and feelinga lil icky, and i got frustrated and wondered why i still had this battle when would i improve, and only this morning did i realise... i have improved! let em be real with you all and say i havent hurt myself in almost 5 months... and taht last time i started and stopped because i realised there was a better way... so without taht time its beena year!
I am strong!
i am capable!
and i am Living!!
Life is precious and i love it, i t5hought mine would never improve, but in teh end.... blind faith got me through, at teh time i truste dina God i didnt entirely believ in, in a God who if he existed i hated.,,, but in time came to trust and treasure..
So if u wonder when thinsg will ever get better... think about wethe rthey have and u just cant see it, and if tehy really havent... wat can u do?
Sometimes just feeling crap is good... its important, but if its constant... or something u cant break out of... Get help, talk to a friend... talk to me, talk to God!
Just know, i have no realised what Life is about.... its about using the little time you have, having fun, living, loving servinga nd praising... itll eb over befor eu know it.. dont waste ur days feeling soemthing u wer enever intended to!
yes u will ahve crap days still... but ur not alone :)
My life is teh happiest it has ever been, and while peoepl ahve helped, i can blame nothing more than my faitha nd my desire to change.
I needed to get taht out :) Thanks for sticking till the end
Love and blessings.
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