back again!

Its always teh way.. i blog for a while, i get into it, i find it a great forum.. and BAM i get distracted!! bloggin goe sout teh window.. for geez, i dont even know how long this time!

Id like to think i atleast have a semi acceptable excuse for being distracted this time, so the update in my world: Im Engaged! :)

Me and ben are now in the crazy process of coming to teh realisation we are gettin married, making initial plans and yeh... all teh crazy stuff!

When i think about this time of my life, i think how good God is :)

when i met Ben i hated guys... all of em, i had too many hurt me, too many make me stop trustin, and this guy came into my life and showed interest and straight away i knew he was different!

I was still cautious but quickly realised he was all i wanted and more :)

I grew to love him very quickly and after 7 months when he aske dme to marry him i knew he was the one!!

In less than year my life has changed soooooo dramatically, but it just shows me what God is doing, a year ago i was in a very very different place and i felt like i had no answers, but i needed to wait, wait that little bit longer and Gods plan would eb revelaed!

Things happen in his time, not mine... and while that sometimes sucks, its always right! :)

i truly believe Love conquers alll

My love in both Ben and in my amazing God has conquered my fear, my doubts, my concerns.. and given me things to live for.

"Trust and obey, for there’s no other way

To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.

Oh poor rejected Blog!

Oh how i have abandoned my poor blog, i have been so busy and so exhausted it has suffered neglect and lack of attention!

basically.. to update, i started my new job this week :)

I am now the child support worker at teh salvation army womens refuge!

its a great joba nd i am enjoying my experience so far, i am able to spend quality time with some great Kids, some neglected and in need of teh love i try to offer.

So while i would love to write more tonight i am sooo tired!

Im gonna leave it real short with my sad excuse for abandonment and my request to my probably very limited readers:

Will you pray... not just for me in this new role, but for teh children i encounter everyday, may teh sunday schools i play in the background sink i, may the love i have be seen, may the Grace of God be evident to them

You may not see the affects of domestic violence and homelessness, you may not know what happens.. but i see a bit of it, i see the innocent victims.. the children.

you may not be able to help much, you may not be able to do much... but pray, pray for em and my oppurtunity too help!

Blessings!

a brighter side of life :)

Today i had one of those moments in life wher eyou can truly see your own journey, your own life in reflection and see the person you have evolved into.

Be able to see teh person you never want to be again and how... you ARENT that person anymore, You may not think you have grown much, but then a moment showing you who you use dto eb shows the improvement and you realise it has been gradual so really.. it has bgeen big!

Let me tell youa little more of my story, not because i want naww poor liesl moments, or to be anything other than a way to own my crap and be a little bit real.

Today i ha dmy morning shower.. and in that time, i had my 'moment' Last night my parents came home form singapore, and while looking through all there stuff i picked up a plastic box, and it being really late clumsily dropped it, and scratched my wrist, ut hurt! :( but while in the showe rthis morn, the hot wate rhit it... and it began to stiiing!
It wa sin thsi moment i remember all the times i inflicte dthis pain on myself ON PURPOSE! the time si hurt myself in aims to release soemthin, or to punish.. or just to feel... the moments id shower and sometimes id feel nothin, and sometime sit would STING and id be happy about that! ,

This past week ive been great.. but in my hea dive had my moments of depression, ive been grumpy and insecure and feelinga lil icky, and i got frustrated and wondered why i still had this battle when would i improve, and only this morning did i realise... i have improved! let em be real with you all and say i havent hurt myself in almost 5 months... and taht last time i started and stopped because i realised there was a better way... so without taht time its beena year!
I am strong!
i am capable!
and i am Living!!

Life is precious and i love it, i t5hought mine would never improve, but in teh end.... blind faith got me through, at teh time i truste dina God i didnt entirely believ in, in a God who if he existed i hated.,,, but in time came to trust and treasure..
So if u wonder when thinsg will ever get better... think about wethe rthey have and u just cant see it, and if tehy really havent... wat can u do?
Sometimes just feeling crap is good... its important, but if its constant... or something u cant break out of... Get help, talk to a friend... talk to me, talk to God!
Just know, i have no realised what Life is about.... its about using the little time you have, having fun, living, loving servinga nd praising... itll eb over befor eu know it.. dont waste ur days feeling soemthing u wer enever intended to!

yes u will ahve crap days still... but ur not alone :)
My life is teh happiest it has ever been, and while peoepl ahve helped, i can blame nothing more than my faitha nd my desire to change.

I needed to get taht out :) Thanks for sticking till the end

Love and blessings.

Isnt it funny how we often complain life gets in teh way fo what we wnat to do, i dont have tiem for this, i wnated to but i didnt get around to it, we find ourselves more and more putting off what is important and good for us, because 'life' gets in teh way.

We spend so much time stressing about life, and fiddle farting around wasting time..we forget to live it!
To do the things taht are important, that are good for us!

I realise i ahvent blogged in like... days, which is sad, because its ina forum like this i feel safe enough to give off little pieces of myself. To eb real and to express what is on my heart!
I think about why i havent and immediately the age old excuse come sto mind... Ive been busy, but no.. i ahvent, ive been slack, ive been spending my days focusing on teh negative aspects, been wasting time i havent taken the right time for myself.

so now thsi is my tiem to again promise to amke eth effort to ahve me time, God time.. time just to live and enjoy the grace and beauty of a magnificent creator!

in all this no time no blogging slackness things have been exciting, i have been given teh job i so badly wanted, and am now the child support worker for teh salvation army domestic violence refuge graceville.
I am excited t be taking up this MASSIVE challenge, but glad that my gifts will eb used.

I found out i get to go to candidates weekend in geelong in may, basicallya weekend to meet together with other future officers ina time of aweosme fellowship!

life is good, ive been happy... so i nee dto remember to do the things atht are good for me, even when its not 'necessary' or im not brokena nd lost...

perfect example... i have been feeling so much better, great even health wise, so i got slack with my medication, i stopped taking it and i basically 'got too busy', all was fine till i now realise taht teh weird dizziness i cant shake and the loss of appetite is a symptom of stomach ulcer.... turns out im not ove rit, just the pain is different,
If you dont keep up preventetive measures.. the things taht are good for you, when you fall.. u fall hard!
Im learning this...

so i encourage you:
look after yourself, for your lifes purpose is urs to fulfil, noone elses
You need to be ready or it will eb left undone.
value ur body like u do others, what u put into will be who u are..
what you fill it with will reflect in ur life.
Love with no bounds, for u too will need love liek taht one day!
and never stop fighting, coz teh war will never end!

Camp, decisions, realisations and a whopping fire!

ahhh what a crazy weekend was had by all who attended 2love easter camp W.A!!



Now while i will fill you in on the major downer of an ending, ive realised since camp its all i mention when asked of camp.. so my major focus will be on the amazing time of transformation had before the craziness!



so to get it out the wy.. sadly pour camp was cut short as a fire began in very close proximity to teh camp site, we were evacuated shortly after and took all campers to teh local rockingham salvation army.. we spent tiem here until it was decided for various reaosns we would head back to perth where campers would be met by parents and taken home. The fire was awful, it threatened many homes including homes of people present with us, and caused much pain for our group.. but we all mad eit home safe and although a few got sick, noone was seriously ill.



This dampened memories a little bit but i still have many stories and great things that happened on camp :)



The camp had many experiences and i could give you my day to day run down.. but hey, tahts boring!



so high;lights included:

Damzel in distress: a game where male leaders dressed up as damzels and teh team saved them form incoming water balooons!... oh teh pictures are classic.. l;augher is great for the soul!



New friends: Having tiem to meet a couple of new friends who are also planning to attend training college... having teh chance to nut out some faith questions and challenge each other, and then to pray.. not just say ill rpay for you, but in taht exact moment take the time to do so!



Deep silly theology at 7am: started a discussion about wether Jesus being perfecty human would fo had diorrhea at any point... or hiccups... woudl he of healed himself, or suffered like us??



dawn service; being grumpy for being awake at 4, followed by many many giggles and random discussions.. and a very awkwrd hiccup moment... jesus's death and res (hic) erection... haha



New awesome song:

Oh! precious is the flow

That makes me white as snow;

No other fount I know,

Nothing but the blood of Jesus.



Now by this I’ll overcome—

Nothing but the blood of Jesus,

Now by this I’ll reach my home—

Nothing but the blood of Jesus



Glory! Glory! This I sing—

Nothing but the blood of Jesus,

All my praise for this I bring—

Nothing but the blood of Jesus.



Friday night worship: My favourite part, having teh oppurtunity to write teh things taht cloud my mind, hurt my life, taint my journey.. writting them on pieces of junk and leaving them at the foot of teh cross... watching Kids realise there pain is not a burden they must carry alone, praying with like 12 different campers, leading atleast one into a new relationship with christ and many into exciting renewals!



they are soem things taht made camp rock... many others helped, and some crazy in jokes which i wont confuse you with... but i wnat to tell you about teh decision i made while at this camp... On fri night a smentioned we had oppurtunity to write our junk on junk, now for me this was an amazing release, it wanst liek othe rtime staht i 'let go' it wanst about emotion, i wrote them on becaus ei was sad, it was about my realisation taht they were affecting my life.
they wer ethings taht affceted my ability to love, to be loved, to give everything and to be who i wnat to be!

I took those things, i wrote them down... and i released them. the next day i wa sin worship when i began to wonder what affect this would havbe one my life when i looke dup and the word i focused on on a sign above me simply stated... GONE. that wa smy message that thes ethings cannot be let to bothe rme again, i have set them free and taht is the end.

My God forgives me, now its time to forgive myself
i challenge others to do teh same, We have doen things oin our past we hate, we regret, we have been things we dont understand, but teh minute we call upon teh Lord they dissappear.. its us who hold on
We nee dto stop focussing on our pain and start living teh life!
Start using our healing form paint o heal others
start spreaidng the joy
start realising your purpose is left undone when your wallowing your hole!
Noone else will do it for you.. its your Job.. not theirs!

Its ok to hurt, but wallowing is never fun.. im done.. i pray for all you guys too :)

remember:
Live like you may die tomorow
forgive like you want to eb forgiven
accept, coz you know how judgement hurts
and fight for what you knw is right!

Grace.

I have been challenged recently to take time daily for myself, to be with God aand to worship in ways that are specific to me, be it reading drawing or writtin,.. or watever else takes my fancy,
last night was my first night.. and while not really wnatin to.. coz i was tired, i did it.. and am glad i did
I was challenged about teh idea of grace... i ended up writting a skeleton sermon
and penning these words i wanted to share:

When temptation comes
and my faith grows weak
when i stumble and fall
It's your grace i seek.

when i dont deserve it
when i've wronged you again
when im lost and broken
It's then...
That your grace i seek.

for it makes me whole
and renews my soul
pour your favour on me
It's your grace i seek.

when i'm caught in the world
and its taken me in
i've lost sight of the cause
i begin..

to seek your grace
coz it never runs dry
to seek your grace
it will take me home on high

and finally.. a quote on teh subject i found and love

"your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God's grace, and your best days are never so good that you are beyond the need of God's grace"
- Jerry Bridges

the unpredictable nature of life

Its funny how things change so quickly and there often isnta thing you can do.

Today being firday is my second day at work all week.. most would say score.. but trust me, not so good!

I wrote a blog last week saying id explain my personal challeneg for this week... its never happened, and teh challeneg has become suddenly 10 times harder.

Let me explain... beggining of this week seemed t be like any other week... id planned a busy week, i had much i wante dto do, a full week of work.. a full week of lots fo nights out and being sick was NOT in my plans...
But one pride swallowin doctors visit shut most of that down.
I eventually admitted my pain wa sbeyond what i could handle without seeking attention.. so off i trotted to my doctor, to be told i most likley have a stomach ulcer.. and i should go back to bed and spend the next day there!
So now, im on some icky meds and feel the urge to eat like constantly...

which brngs me to this challenge, This sunday at church is the owsoms self denial appeal.. which for teh non salvos out there owsoms means one weeks salary on missionary sunday.
Basically its an appeal to rais emoney for the salvo overseas work in areas taht nee dit the most, so io had challenged myself to not spend anymor emoney tahn necessary this week and put all taht i would spend into this appeal.. whch u know, sounds fine... i didnt do anythin most of this week, but after paying doc bills and buyin meds... i aint got all taht much left!

But i will give the little i have witha willing heart. knowing God doesnt call us to give millions per say.. just what we have, im reminded of the lady in the bible who gave her 2 coins... to those surroundin her it seemed liek nothin, but to God... it was teh greatest gift of all.. becaus eit was all she had.

So today my new challenge stands at this... physically i feel weak... but i will do what i can for his service, financially im no millionaire.. but i have wat ive been blessed with
so no matter how great i will give my service and gifts to him... to the best of my ability to serve him better.
Sometimes this challeneg be it less money than originally intened is tougher... coz its more of a sacrifice... anbd sacrifice is hard... but in the long run, whats more important.

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Blessed be your name

Today im singing this song over and over and over....
Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing You pour out I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing You pour out I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name

It challenges me in my faith to consider wether i will be a christian, or just take advanteg of my faith.
Its so easy to praise and sing songs of worship and be firm in our faith when life is peachy and happy.. and we are strong and full of hope... but teh real test is wether we can continue to praise when things are crashing down.
It again reminds me of Job in the bible... he praised amongst pain i cant imagine.
My bible tells me i shoudl delight in trials ... because they grant me strength and perserverance which i will need to fight teh good fight!

Today is a hard day... ill eb honest, iv had a hard morning and im feeling rather upset, and angry and broken, and it would eb sooo easy to turn my back and go about itmy own way, My feelings are frazzled, my body isnt much better... my body is having a reaction to a tiny tiny peice of pizza i ate.. and is now in cramp and die mode... makes me angry also!!
But... whilst yes i will whinge a bit.. my challenge to myself is to stay firm in my faith... to praise no matter my circumstance!

My Officers have been drillinga phraise into us at church recently. and it has begun to stick with me... My God is more than enough!

So while i am hurt ad sore... my life is his, i will continue tp praise and worship him.. because he si more tan enough for me.

not my will but yours

Ok.. im gonna admitt something here... something atht if you knwo me you probabaly allready know to soem degree, and something ive known for years, but recently ive discovere dteh extent of it...

I AM STUBBOURN!!!

Ok i said it... i am incredibly incredibly stubborn!
For about 5 years now i have struggled with an unexplained stomach sickness atht causes me pain... and while i should be resting or gettin it sorted out when it hits... im beinga loser and doing what i normally woudl do.. running around lieka headless chook continuing with all my committments.
I currently have my arm ina splint for like 23 hours a day... and am suffering form pretty severy tendonitis, while not usin my arm would eb smart.. im piping icing ont cakes, playing computer games,.. and toying with teh idea of bowling with my youth group tonight!... i hate teh idea that my 'weak' body restricts me form doing what i love... and u can try talk me outta it.. but ill probably just get grumpy at u... coz im stubborn ( just ask Ben ;-) )

all this is you know... realistically .. me being stupid.. but its not causing serious serious damage... but you have to wonder taht if it becomes a part of your life, what else will you let it affect.

Yes im putting my body at risk when im too stubborn to seek teh correct help, or follow the best rules to prevent future pain... but what else am i risking with my unwillingness to listen?

Is my desire to do it on my own.. or to control my situations affecting my faith?

God has called me to a greater purpose... and i know where he wnats me to be in teh future... but am i listening to everything he wnats from me... or am i picking and choosin and wanting to keep a little bit of my plans involved??

I had Lunch with marney Turner yestrday... and she is teh most incredible woman of God... she has passion and a thirst for christ i only dream of.. she inspired me to think about wethe ri was striving for Gods perfect will, or settling in his permissive will.
Am i happy beinga christian and followin generally wat he wnats for me... or will i live to achieve his purpose daily, and go further.

I knwo iam stubborn mule.. i take alot to eb moved, to eb willing to change my direction... but i dontw nat taht desire to stay in my ways.. to eb teh reason i los eout when it comes to teh kingdom... i wanna achieve all he has for me,.

So maybe i shoudl start by looking after my body...
My Goal: to not just be concerned about my own desires, but to see teh bigge rpicture... starting with kickin the stupid things taht arent helpin my poor hand get better.. Ill let ya knwo how i go!!

i am LUCKY

did you know that every single minute a child is sold into slavery?
and daily jumbo jets could eb filled with all teh traffiked children?

Did you know that out of the 2.2 billion children in teh world, 1 billion live in poverty?

Did you know that tonight almost 100,000 australians will sleep on teh street, with nowhere else to go?

Did you know that not having teh best technology, or the fanciest house.. wont actually kill you! Being teh coolest kid wont solve your problems?
Did you know that in Australia we are some of teh luckiest people alive and if you can read this and have a bed to go to tonight and some food on your table you are BLESSED!

be Thankful for what you have...
better yet... find out what you can do!
Ill tell you about my challenge to myself later this week :)

Give it all

I was blessed yesterday to have teh oppurtunity to sit through 2 incredible sermons.
In the morning we had Major Len Turner, The territorial candidates secretary ( in non salvo terms, the guy who you go through to get to training college to eb aminister) and Jo Mcall for teh youth meeting at night.

Both of these were sermons taht touched me and made me ponder, made me actually think about my faith not just listen with a half absent mind ( which my weary head was tempted to do)

For me, teh common theme i took form both was about giving your all.

I was challenged to consider what life would look like if ACTUALLY gae our all... not just said we would... but did!!

If we committed every day to our king, walked with purpose.. made every action a mission to further his kingdom... wat would iw orld look liek if we let the holy spirit completely enter... not just come in as much as we THINK we need him!

then Jo spoke about job.. and how to deal wit tragedy when it happens, and fdor me i took taht we need to be completely committed to God.. ready to accept that it is all in his will, ready to rely on his strength and give all we have for his Kingdom.

i dont wanna rant... coz i knwo im great at that so ill leave it here.
But i knwo i was challenged by the messages... so i encouragae you to picture a world where our lives are led ENTIRELY by God and his spirits leading.. what kind of peace would we live in? our world today doenst understand peace.. but peace form God can be in us.. and then spred through us.

i Pray i will be receptive to my callings and leadings.. and i pray greatly taht u will too!
Together... as one body.. we can change our world!

Finding strength to fight

when i have no words to explain.. i write poetry... Its beena while, but heres todays:

Chipped and scarred
wont go away
hidden for so long
but here to stay

Life moves on
some things remain
im sick of this
dont understand the pain

feel so lonely
feel so broken
whys it happen
feels liek im choking

i need your strength
Im not alone
to fight this battle
thats too well known

Can i be strong
can i win the fight
i pray you'll save me
Keep me in the light.



I cant battle it alone...This is my plea.

Money, Money Money,

ah as much as i love abba... no this post is not about that song!

In the last day or too.. ive been really confronted with Money and teh effect it ha son teh world we live in, actually truth be told money worries has been a subject taht haunts me.. well for a while now, but particularly the last couple of days.

Ive always been teh first to tell u i hate money, i hate the attitude peoepl get when it comes to it, i hate how it dictates our lives, i hate how peopelw ill do anything including ruining lives for it, i hate how some poeple have so little and some have so much without doing much, but most fo all i hate how i cant doa damn thing about it because it truly makes teh world go round!

I was confronted with shopping addictions after watching confessions of a shopaholic last night, and was glad to realise taht im sooo not a sbad as i thought i was, i CAN walk past a sale... and my version of sale is 20 bucks.. not 200 :) but it showed me how easity it is to get into debt... i know this myself, last pay i had basicallly paid off y credit card.. then put more on it since, just little things.. taht wouldnt affect it right, and again, im right back where istarted... almost paid off, but not quite getting there... It adds up so quickly and before you kno it your trying to figure out just how you spend 500 dollars in 2 weeks without remmebering!

What effecting me teh most about money today was while researching homelessness in Australia, Seriously though, you walk through teh city and you might see some 'bums' and feel pity or disgust even.. you might walk on by and continue with your life... but what you probably dont realise is what you se is barely anything compared to the hidden homelessness in our own state. these peopel may have made some bad decisions, or suffered something atht knocked them off there feet, whatever there reason, while i go hoem to my warm bed and loving family they are getting cosy with teh floor and if there lucky some form of self made shelter.

For about 6 months i did soem work in the salvos genesis project, a homeless drop in centre feeding peoepl with no other choice of food. I had oppurtunity to talk to to many about how they wanted to get ther elives back on track... but who wants to employ someoen who smells liek ethy live on teh street, in clothes to match... but to get money to buy this tehy need teh job.. vicous circle huh!

These peoepl just needed a kick start... but us as a program can only do so much, we go on the generous support we get.. but we are not an endless foutain of funds..

i have been researchin domestic violence vistims and teh links to homelessness, now thats a sad number... the amount fo woman on teh streets because its that or abuse.. with no money to make a life because tehy have been financially abused also!

I just hope taht next time iw ant to whip out my credit card i think of do i need this? think of what debt will do to me, but think of will my new exciting purchas ei will rpobably be bored of very shortly fulfil me when i think of the people who just wnat a fresh start.
Im not sayin go out and give all ur money to people who ahve none... because taht is unrealistic, im just sayin,,, be aware of ur money, of ur surroundings. be thankful for what u have... even if to u its not enough, or very little, you reading this oan computer tells me ur better off than so many.

Money does make our world go round... it keeps us alive... but love of it, will not make us happy in the long run

What a weekend!!

Wow, what an intense weekend!!
Serious it was probably one of teh craziest i have had in a long long time! It had its ups and downs, and its crazy moments... but ahh, it was good :)

I think tho, than in this short 3 day time i have learnt so much about myself and God that i praise him for the time i had!

This weekend had me, awake super early ona sat mornin.. eek, had me scared, emotional, relieved, tired, excited, emotional!! had my crying out to God on numerous occasionas, had me feel loved and tired! but in all those emotions are experiences and times of growth,

ahh well, let me tell u about my weekend :p

Saturday morning began witha breakfast for a chrysalis group Ben is involved in, and as much as i hate sat mornings i actually enjoyed myself :) I met some new people and had some good laughs, and it turned out to be a great way to start a weekend. After that w epopped in to see a mate get his hair shaved off for Cancer, man i admire his courage, its a big step to lose something you;ve grown accustomed to, i know ive been saying for years that oen day id do it.. much to most my families dismay as most fo tehm just love my curls heheh but Paul actually did it, not just said he woudl but did! and in the process raised some money for a great cause! Good stuff!

and after all this before liek 11... my day had only really begun, teh time had come for the scary part of my weekend, I was goin to adventure world, with my nephews, my neices, my sister and my sisters half sister. sounds fine right.. no fear there, well let me give ya some background info... before i arived at dventure world... with my hard securily in Bens for safety hehe i had never met my sister or my neices before!! For me it was a moment of joy..of fear, bvut of relief! I wa schallenged in myself to put the past and othe rpeoples issues behind me and be myself and meet her own our own terms, and through that faith that God would give me strenth.. i was blessed, with an experience id only dreamed of :)

that night had a bunch of mates over for a wii and singstar night... oh by midnight i was buggered!! and while Ben managed to hit bed and die... i managed to not be able to sleep an be up watchin sex and teh city for a couppla hours..

Sunday: well teh day turned stressful almost straight away, when i woke up witha hea dthat was poundin and teh desire to be in dark places with no sound.... but instead, i went and taught sunday school... oh i am clever!!
wa sok tho, convinced teh kids that playing wink morder in teh dark was fun :)
there were a few dramas at church meanin i missed teh service and was left hoping the segments i lead in would remain in one peice by then end of the day! it was a tough mornin, and on teh way home i remember just sitting at some traffick lights and just crying out to God for something, for anythin, for some resfreshment or passion.. or any sign of him!

ahh while id love to say my weekend ended here and i napped... noo i wnet to caversham house for a pizza picnic party coz my best mate tanya was running her first event from there :)

Sunday nigh was church again, and as exhausted a si was, im glad we went! i needed to be in the presence of God. ahh soem more dramas arose and some more tressful stuff was brought up.. But again i was rmeinded that in my hands problems are large,, but in teh hands taht created the world.. one issue in it is nothing! im now trusting him to be in all these situations

My night ended watching scrubs :) and then spending time in prayer with my wonderful boyfriend... and i cant think of a better way to end the weekend, with a man who loves me, and a God who taught me so much in 3 days.. and gave me what i needed when i just couldnt feel it :)

and now... for teh week ahead, with myuch to look forward to.. i take my step into this week in faith, because taht is all i really need :)

oh how i wish to be a kid who didnt have to care again!

In the last year i have made a concious effort to start paying more attention to the news, I began to realise that i often had no idea what was goin on around me or what was happening in tehw ay of major events because i paid no attention.

I hated watcing teh new because i swaer it left me feeling sad and it was so depressing, but now in my .. I'm gonna be an adult now stage i read the news online daily ( wether its partly to give em soemthing to do at work i have no comment :p )

It make sme sad though how depressing it still is! how sick and twisted our world is.. liek c'mon! its crazy... the last 3 weeks ive read heaps about the guy who kept wis daughter hostage for 24 years while she boe and raised his children... sick right? or recvently about the shootings in america.. such a loss of precious life. the world is ful of lost people doing tragic things... and i rea dit feeling ata loss, should i be scared.. to travel? to even walk teh streets after dark, to go out? another part of me has this problem wher eim overly compassionate and wanna help! i wish there was a way to minister to these people. So i guess teh one positive in taht is my news time has also become my prayer time!

What saddens me also though, is i open my ninemsn news page and am inundated with pain and horror and bad stuff but it isnt till i search and ive read everything else that i find the page that says someoen has done something great! something right is happening in this world

My wish... Lets start being aware of tehw orld for what it is.. lets throw away our rose coloured glasses and live a dying world to save.
Lets promote the Good news, lets proclaim the gospel and lets fight for our world.

its just reminds me even more of teh song that has i know been going through my head alot recently... People need teh Lord:

Everyday they pass me by,
I can see it in their eyes.
Empty people filled with care,
Headed who knows where?
On they go through private pain,
Living fear to fear.
Laughter hides their silent cries,
Only Jesus hears.
People need the Lord, people need the Lord.
At the end of broken dreams, He's the open door.
People need the Lord, people need the Lord.
When will we realize, people need the Lord?
We are called to take His light
To a world where wrong seems right.
What could be too great a cost
For sharing Life with one who's lost?
Through His love our hearts can feel
All the grief they bear.
They must hear the Words of Life
Only we can share.
People need the Lord, people need the Lord
At the end of broken dreams, He's the open door.
People need the Lord, people need the Lord.
When will we realize that we must give our lives,
For peo-ple need the Lord.
People need the Lord.

Im in his hands.

Part of me is probably glad taht opne day i will be the person preaching sermons... because i have aconfession to make!

I SUCK at listening to sermons!!
Like i'll listen, ill get the gist, but sometimes ill get confused between what was said, and what i dreamt up in my head... i day dream, i go off on random thoughts... i find it really really hard to tune in!
Dont get me wrong, i have heard some great sermons in my life, iv heard some recently, but ask me to repeat what was said, or tell you what it was about.... i probably would look at you witha bit of an ahhhhh ummmm... yeah! kinda look hehe

I knwo that one day i will have people who probably will be the same to me, have no idea what i spoke about, probably some who wont even listen, and hey.. iw ont judge them heheh

But one thing that i do remmeber, is teh songs taht are used, i am teh kinda person who is more affected bya song, a message of a song. I can hear a worship song once and come out singin almost every word.. forgetting teh sermon yes.. but knowing the song ;P

its great being apart of my corps songster brigade and being abel to regularly hear songs taht tell stories, that give messages of salvation and hope and love. These are the things taht touch me and give me strength, the songs taht go through my head that so often are exactly what i need in that moment is my blessing from God.

at the moment the song that has touched me is I'm in his hands ( ding ding ding.. you win if you guessed it based on teh very subtle title heheh)
Someoen could preach at me for 3 hours on teh fact that God has my days planned, and has set me apart, and i would.. well honestly probably not last taht long.... but play me this 3 minute song and it is so clear to me.

I love music, and throughout my life music has touched me where nothing else could... a song once stirred my heart so massively it made em kick some bad habbits and live fully, the salvo tune Lord of creation made commitment so real to me i accepted my call to officership, the song i surrender all brought me into a relationship with christ ( and i continue to cry EVERYTIME i hear it... shame!) hehe

basically... i dont knwo what im tryin to say in this blog... maybe its taht if u ever wanna tell em somethin and u wnat em to listen, u shoudl sing it to me? mm, i dunno
I Just knwo That God uses different ways to speak to different people, and with em tahst music.

and i also wanan share this song with you all
This, Im in his ahnds song
knowin taht no matter how daunting your future may be, It is planned and guided and known by someone Amazing :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ighpk8Dlwz4

Sometimes i sit and wonder if my life would be easier if i didnt have emotions, if what i did and how i acted wasnt a result of a feeling, but purely on logic or rational thought alone!
I wonder how different my life would be, i wonder what on earth i would be doing with myself,

Emotions are things taht lead us to certain situations, they push us to follow aftrer something, but also sometimes they stop us form doing things aswell, Like how many of us have given up something we'd normally jump at on account of a bad mood, or a feeling of sadness.

I say this right now, becuase i am a person who hates my emotions sometimes! mainly because tehy change out of the blue, and sometime si find myself ina bit of a low without great justifications.. and it frustrates me! it frustates me the way it changes my willingness to do stuff, the way it affects teh things important!

The thing taht scares me teh most is teh way my emotions and feeling effect my relationship with God, I find myself sometimes getting really anxious and worked up, or really burdened by the fact that i cant feel him like i often do, like im not being pushed as obviously in the direction he wants me to take, or liek at the moemnt, im just not sure what that direction is, and that, in itself begins to eat at me. I know God has a plan for me, and a plan for these next few gap years, but sometimes i wish he would fill me in on it! and while i sit in his presence begging him to help me and to show me what happens next, i begin to feel low at teh fact im not sure what it is, i know there is a reaosn i dont knwo yet, but i just feel so lost.

What im scared of is taht this lostness will effect my passion and excitment, this emotion will inpact upon my effectiveness for God,
This is why i wonder what life wouldbe like without emotions, if My knowledge of God,, and my knowledge of my desaire to follow him could be enough to keep me goin, to keep me fighting thru all the battle.

But i guess in teh end... i know this one thing, I LOVE my Lord, with all my heart, and love... is teh greates emotion of all... It is not something my human mind can fathos, it is of teh heart... it is of teh spirit, it is teh greatest feelings. and when i consider it, that emotion is worth suffering the bad ones for. And i know taht in teh end... my Love will prevail, it will eventually pull me form teh pain and hurt. My love for my god, my church and others is what keeps me going,

I still feel lost, i still feel broken, and i still kinda hate my emotions right now.. but for right now, i will battle it out. i will hold firm in the fact my steps have been planned and EVENTUALLY! ill find out teh plan too!

But this i remember from Insane in melbourne: it was said taht we may not always feel the presence of God, but in those times, we know Good and must do Good.

Pray this passes and bubbly crazy bring it on Liesl returns soon!

grace abundant to you all!

Leis

hello Blog world!

Im sure i have another one of these blogs somewhere in the blogesphere... but i have no idea of any of teh details for it anymore... ooops :p

But basically i love the idea of blogging, so i thought i would start this one, and actually stick to it this tme :)
I love to rant.. and i love to have my say and opinion, so basically this is perfect for me heheh

Im 19 - turning 20, which is still weird to me.. to be like.. 20 its all new and exciting and lose taht safe an childish.. teen stage, means i apparently have ato acta little more mature... yeh right!

Im a salvo and im proud of that, no shame baby!
we are a revolution changing society in YOUR community, just take some time to notice us.
It is my roots, my foundation, my family and my passion! I'm in teh process of getting geared up for Training college to become a salvo minister and i cant wait to make the church even more of my life :)
Im passionate about seeing people realise there potential and worth and I'll stand and do my bit for teh Kingdom :)

Im currentlya receptionist.. its a pretty cool work place, and i work with soem amazing people!

I'm journeying through life with the love of my life, in my amazing Boyfriend Ben and am Blessed to have him :)

This is a little intro to me, and i look forward to most likley sharing more and more of myself as i get to make my comments on.. well whatever is in my head... which trust me, you never know what that will be!!

Grace abundant to you all :)

Leis