not my will but yours

Ok.. im gonna admitt something here... something atht if you knwo me you probabaly allready know to soem degree, and something ive known for years, but recently ive discovere dteh extent of it...

I AM STUBBOURN!!!

Ok i said it... i am incredibly incredibly stubborn!
For about 5 years now i have struggled with an unexplained stomach sickness atht causes me pain... and while i should be resting or gettin it sorted out when it hits... im beinga loser and doing what i normally woudl do.. running around lieka headless chook continuing with all my committments.
I currently have my arm ina splint for like 23 hours a day... and am suffering form pretty severy tendonitis, while not usin my arm would eb smart.. im piping icing ont cakes, playing computer games,.. and toying with teh idea of bowling with my youth group tonight!... i hate teh idea that my 'weak' body restricts me form doing what i love... and u can try talk me outta it.. but ill probably just get grumpy at u... coz im stubborn ( just ask Ben ;-) )

all this is you know... realistically .. me being stupid.. but its not causing serious serious damage... but you have to wonder taht if it becomes a part of your life, what else will you let it affect.

Yes im putting my body at risk when im too stubborn to seek teh correct help, or follow the best rules to prevent future pain... but what else am i risking with my unwillingness to listen?

Is my desire to do it on my own.. or to control my situations affecting my faith?

God has called me to a greater purpose... and i know where he wnats me to be in teh future... but am i listening to everything he wnats from me... or am i picking and choosin and wanting to keep a little bit of my plans involved??

I had Lunch with marney Turner yestrday... and she is teh most incredible woman of God... she has passion and a thirst for christ i only dream of.. she inspired me to think about wethe ri was striving for Gods perfect will, or settling in his permissive will.
Am i happy beinga christian and followin generally wat he wnats for me... or will i live to achieve his purpose daily, and go further.

I knwo iam stubborn mule.. i take alot to eb moved, to eb willing to change my direction... but i dontw nat taht desire to stay in my ways.. to eb teh reason i los eout when it comes to teh kingdom... i wanna achieve all he has for me,.

So maybe i shoudl start by looking after my body...
My Goal: to not just be concerned about my own desires, but to see teh bigge rpicture... starting with kickin the stupid things taht arent helpin my poor hand get better.. Ill let ya knwo how i go!!